Watercooler Sensation

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Memo To White House: Lose The Party, Keep The Dog

• Hey, we know as much as anyone that times are tough. We’re bundling our shopping trips to save on gas, heading to half-priced matinees instead of nighttime movie dates and packing our lunches. But here’s a question: Does President Bush feel our pain? Is Laura clipping coupons, too? [Washington Whispers]
• U.S. News & World Report asked readers “what one symbolic move President Bush could make to show that he understands the hard financial choices Americans have to face every day.”
• Number One Symbolic Move POTUS and Mrs. POTUS could make? Cancel the super-lavish White House Christmas party. (49%).
• Coming in a second: Ground Air Force One. It costs a lot of money to fly that thing around — maybe it’s time to pick up an Amtrak schedule? (25%)
• Rounding out the middle of the list: Pump his own gasoline —12%— and open a West Wing soup kitchen — 10%.
• Don’t worry, though, Barney, people don’t think you should have to suffer just because the economy is in the toilet. Only 3% thought the Bushes should downgrade the premium chow for the cheaper Wal-Mart kind.

Another idea — he could cut back on staff, say, in the Vice President’s office? (Just an idea...)

Obamatinis, McCainade, And Other Wacky Hotel Election Promotions

• It’s nothing new for hotels to offer promotions around special events. [CNN]
• But with this year’s intense interest in the historic presidential campaign, hotels are offering wackier and more interesting promotions than ever before.
• Take a look at what hotels around the world are offering this election year.
• The Avalon at Beverly Hills offers dishes like the “Conservative Quesadilla”, the “GOP” (grilled onion and prosciutto on flatbread), where you can wash it down with an Obamarita or McCainade. [Travel and Leisure]
• At the Aruba Marriott Resort, you can order the Inaugural Package, which includes reduced rates, a fifth night free and $100 resort credit. [Travel and Leisure]
• This is the first time the Hotel Concorde La Fayette in Paris has run a promotion to coincide with any U.S. presidential election and has created two burgers with the candidates in mind: the Hawaiian-themed O-Burger for the 50th state’s native son, and the Southwestern-flavored Elephant Burger for the senator from Arizona. [Travel and Leisure]
• Some hotels are taking a different tack, trying to spare guests the agony of one more candidate profile or tit-for-tat exchange.
• One place is the Five Gables Inn & Spa, just outside Washington, D.C, which created the “Beltway Buster” package, which offers a room, massage, dinner and daily delivery of The Washington Post ... with all election coverage removed. [Travel and Leisure]

If you can’t decide what to eat (or who to vote for), the Grant Grill is also offering the “Swing Vote Slider Combo.” Enjoy.

Spotlight on Joe the Plumber

• After 27 mentions of Joe the Plumber, we bet you were hoping to know more about this character.
• First, a few facts: he’s from Holland, OH, an (unlicensed) plumber, and owes back taxes on his house. [NY Times]
• He may or may not be registered to vote, and might be affiliated with the Natural Law Party.
• And his first name isn’t Joe, it’s Samuel, though he uses his middle name and is known to friends and family as Joe.
• Now that you know a little about him, take a listen to the many interviews he’s done in his 15 minutes of fame post-debate.
• Joe on who he is voting for: Everyone’s asking that, and you know, its a personal decision, only myself and the button I push will know that answer. Other than that, I just ask people to go out there and really find out what they need to know, become educated, don’t just sit there and take everyone else’s opinion, I mean listen to them, but find the information out for yourself. Don’t get it second hand.
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• Joe on American pride: I’m tired of people doubting America, saying that we’re this bad country, I mean that upsets me and my friends greatly. We are the greatest country in the world. Stop apologizing for us! I mean, really. I get real mad about that. I’m not sorry for being an American, I’m not sorry for the things I have, I’ve worked real hard for them.
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• Joe on Iraq: We’ve liberated another country. I mean, you know, freedom. Things that every one of you guys take for granted, that American’s take for granted, these guys didn’t have it, now they’ve got it. I don’t know if you guys are Christians or not, but it’s like someone coming to Jesus and becoming saved. These guys have freedom. Our guys here that are poverty stricken? They’ve got cell phones. Those poor people over there, they have one pair of pants and a shirt.
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• Joe on Social Security: Social Security’s a joke. I have parents. I don’t need another set of parents called the government. Let me take my money and invest it how I please. Social Security, I’ve never believed in, don’t like it, hate that it’s forced on me.
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• And one bonus quote...did you think that Joe the Plumber sounds a little bit like Kevin Costner’s character in Swing Vote? You weren’t the only one.
• Joe’s response: You know, I haven’t seen that movie yet. You know, I’m too busy workin’.
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Yikes— just who we don’t need as a spokesman for everyday people in this country.

By the Numbers

President Bush once made a cornerstone of his presidency his quest to privatize social security. With the recent free-fall of the volatile stock market, we got to wondering what would have happened had President Bush and his colleagues gotten their way. Luckily, the smart guys over at The Wonk Room wondered too. Bottom line — the wild and wacky ride of the stock market is no place for your nest egg, unless you don’t mind that egg scrambled. [Wonk Room]

$26,000

Amount of money a 2008 retiree would have lost with a private Social Security account invested in stocks if they had retired on October 1, 2008 after 35 years of contributions to such an account.

$70,000

Amount of money that retiree would have lost if the U.S. economy had undergone a decades long slump and performed like the Japanese economy over the past 35 years.

$40,000

Amount of money that retiree would have gained if the U.S. market would have performed like the German market over the past 35 years.

Celebrities: Unfiltered

“Certainly we live in two extremes but at the same time, we wake up everyday as parents, parents from children around the world, whose background would have been very similar to the street children we see. And so there isn’t that much of a divide. We wake up as a mommy and daddy who make sure that we raise our kids with the right values, who want them to see all different sides of the world, who want them to be responsible but also want them to be able to enjoy life and enjoy their privileges that they have and not to feel ashamed of them and to embrace them and if they can have better schooling, you know, and give them everything we could possibly give them, never spoil them and never let them forget how fortunate they are and make sure that they always keep one foot in the other side of the world.”

—Angelina Jolie on living two extremely different lives and keeping her children grounded.

Speed Round

CUTTING FILMS

Looking to cut overhead and operating expenses after the recent departure of DreamWorks co-founder Steven Spielberg, Paramount Pictures plans to release fewer films, combine operations and slash 25 jobs among those DreamWorks employees who remain. [LA Times]

YOUR CELLIE MAKES YOU ITCHY

Talking on your cell too much not only uses up your minutes...it could also give you a face rash. (Ugh.) British doctors, baffled by inexplicable red, itchy bumps on their patients’ ears and cheeks finally figured out it’s “mobile phone dermatitis,” an allergic reaction to the nickel surface on mobile phones which develops after spending long periods of time on the devices. [MSNBC]

RICCI HAS BOTANOPHOBIA

Helpful Hint from Mic Check Radio: Don’t bring Christina Ricca flowers on your first date. The actress has decided she suffers from Botanophobia, an overwhelming fear of plants. Says Ricci, “[Plants] are dirty. If I have to touch one, after already being repulsed by the fact that there is a plant indoors, then it just freaks me out.” [ABC News]

WHAT A TANGLED WEB WE WEAVE

It’s been announced that recovering sex addict David Duchovny is splitting from his wife of 11 years, actress Téa Leoni... because of her infidelity! Turns out the actress fell from his frying pan into the fire of one Billy Bob Thorton. (Gag.) [Perez Hilton]

I’LL NEVER LET YOU GO JACK...

The economy is attacking in ‘titantic’ sized ways. According to new reports, the last living survivor of the Titanic is selling off her disaster-related mementos in order to pay the bill at a British nursing home. Millvina Dean, 96, was an infant when the passenger ship sank in 1912. [USA Today]

BIZARRE

Leno is being sued. By a dead man. Over a car. No kidding, since Leno is a rare car collector who bought a car that the estate of the late John W. Straus claims was illegally obtained. [Perez]

CHICKEN

David Beckham did it, but apparently Tom Brady isn’t man enough to pose in his boxers. The Patriots QB pulled out of Calvin Klein’s ad campaign at the last minute, which he originally booked just after Beckham’s appearance for Giorgio Armani’s underwear campaign. [Perez]

TOUGH TIMES

They aren’t just hitting main street, but also the Playboy mansion, which announced job cuts today of 55 employees. They’re also not filling an extra 25 positions that are currently empty. Poor Hef, must be getting hard to keep up the Playboy dynasty with fewer employees. [Jossip]

CALL FOR MORE WINE

Don’t worry though. You can still get your daily dose of Playboy themed goodness with the new Playboy Wine Collection, featuring vintage Playboy covers and selling for $90-$320 a bottle. [Uncrate]

MATCHMAKER...HOLD THE MATCH

The recession is hitting in another odd place...the Singapore bridal market. Using cliche phrases like “no money, no honey,” newspapers are reporting that men are waiting on using matchmakers until the economy rebounds and they can afford dating again. [Reuters]

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Because nothing says romance like candle-light dinners, kisses in the moonlight, and Tom Tancredo. The Young America’s Foundation is hosting a Valentine’s Day cruise from Florida to Mexico to Guatemala for young conservatives and their sweethearts. Ten love-filled days on a ship with your boo, former attorney general John Ashcroft, Rep. Tom Tancredo (R, CO), former Sen. Alan K. Simpson and former attorney general Ed Meese. [PushBack]

INTERNATIONAL TALK LIKE SARAH PALIN DAY

Get practicin’, you betcha! October 21 is the official International Talk Like Sarah Palin Day. Say the organizers of the special facebook page: “On this day, we honor her pseudo-Minnesotan accent and bubbly energy.” [Washington Whispers]

BYE-BYE BRIT

Fox News staple Brit Hume announced yesterday he’s quitting Fox and the whole news shebang. His reason? “I’m just kind of tired of doing it.” [NY Daily News]

GROSS

What is it with gross political sex scandals recently? Yes, we’re talking about you, New York legislator Chris Ortloff ®, for having to step down from your position on the state’s parole board after being arrested this week for soliciting sex with minors. (Oh, it gets creepier. Ortloff, age 61, also told undercover agents that he “would even be interested in sex with toddlers.” [AP]

TOTALLY AWESOME, GOSSIP GIRL!

According to Roll Call, Sen. Chuck Schumer thinks it’s “totally awesome” that he was mentioned on this week’s episode of “Gossip Girl,” even if it did take staffers a “couple tries” to explain to him what that meant. [Roll Call]

UNCLE TED

He may have to fight for his political life against serious corruption charges this week, but dang it, he’s going to get great calves while he’s doing it. Sen. Ted Stevens (R., AK) has been spotted in court wearing MBT “Sport” shoes, $250 “moon boots” that “promise better posture and toned muscles.” [Roll Call]