Watercooler Sensation

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Flying The Dirty Skies: Airlines Cut Back On Cleanliness

• No wonder we got so sick on our recent flight home from Vegas: The New York Times reports that the nation’s airlines are dirty, dirty places. [NY Times]
• Airlines, desperate to cut costs, have decided to cut corners by scaling back on things like cleanliness, hygene and disinfectant.
• Example: Airplanes are supposed to be thoroughly cleaned at least once every 30 days. Delta Airlines, however, moved that schedule to once every 18 months. Ew.
• Best line from the article: “That is akin to cutting your daily shower back to once every couple of weeks.” Again, ew.
• If you don’t want to fly in a petri dish of filth, stink and bacteria, go Jet Blue. In a recent survey, they were rated highest on cleanliness, scoring an 8.49 out of a possible 10 points.
• Airlines where you might want to sit on a trash bag and pack a lot of antibacterial gel: Northwest and US Air.

Don’t even get us started on the plane’s blankets. Can you imagine one of those under CSI lights? >Shudder<

New Weapon Against Terrorism: Fish

• The government is refining America’s New Secret Weapon against terrorism: Fish. [ABC News]
• The bluegill fish is incredibly sensitive to water pollution and contaminents. When something bad gets into their water, they cough. Yes. We said cough.
• Hooked up to computers, the coughing fish can alert the government to anything from terrorist attacks on our water supply to oil spills.
• The Army is already using the fish to monitor water in undisclosed, highly classified areas. (They could tell you where, but then they’d have to kill us.)
• The fish actually work better than machines do. Machines can only detect the specific contaminents they’ve been programmed to detect. The sensitive bluegill fish detect everything.

Fish fighting terrorists? This is almost as good as sharks with laser beams attached to their heads.

PSA: Put The Egg Salad Down And Move Away Slowly

• If you have any pre-made egg salad from Ballard’s Farm Sausage Inc. in your fridge, walk over to your fridge, take out the egg salad and throw it away immediately. Seriously, like RIGHT NOW. [AP]
• The company is recalling its egg salad in 17 states because it might be contaminated.
• And when we say “contaminated,” we mean “totally deadly.” The egg salad is testing positive for the bacteria “Listeria monocytogenes.”
• Side effects of “Listeria monocytogenes": Nausea. Convulsions. Fatal infections in kids and the elderly. Miscarriages in pregnant women.
• Where to worry: Alabama, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, Michigan, New York, New Jersey, North and South Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Virginia and West Virginia.
• Dude, what are you doing buying pre-made egg salad, anyway? Recipe to make your own: Boil eggs. Peel eggs. Chop eggs. Add spoonful of mayo. Add salt, pepper, celery and onion to taste. To kick things up a notch, stir in some relish.

We mean, come ON! It’s not like you have to be Jamie Oliver over here.

By the Numbers

GET RICH!

Money makes the world go ’round, and CNN’s on-line Money magazine has 25 tips on how to make and keep a heck of a lot more of it. [CNN Money]

28%:

Percent of your income you should spend on housing.

120 minus your age:

Percent of your money you should have invested in stocks.

10%:

Maximum percent of your investments which should be invested in your own company. (We call this one the Enron Rule.)

10%:

Minimum percent of your salary you should save every month.

3 months’ worth of expenses:

Amount of “emergency money” you should have salted away in a high-yield money market fund. It’s 6 months if you’re living on one income or have kids.

5 years’ worth of expenses:

Ideal amount of your life insurance. It’s 10 if you’re in serious debt or have kids.

30%:

Amount of value your car will lose in the first year. Buy an older car, drive it until it dies.

Celebrities: Unfiltered

“This stuff keeps me sane and happy! There’s not another drug in life that I’m glad I took but grass.”

— Pop singer/traffic light sleeper George Michael, smoking a joint on British TV. Suddenly, Andrew Ridgely looks like the lucky one. [Page Six]

Speed Round

JAIL

Hell, no, I won’t go! Man who spent 34 years in jail is finally freed…but refuses to leave. [Reuters]

DIAMONDS

My boyfriend went to an Arkansas national park and all I got was this lousy 5.47 carat canary diamond! Man finds and gets to keep $60,000 diamond. [AP]

COWBOY HELMETS

The new trend in rodeos? Forget the Stetson; real cowboys wear helmets. [LA Times]

POOR NICOLE

First Tom then this? Four months after their wedding, Nicole Kidman’s hubby, country star Keith Urban, checks into rehab amid rumors of cocaine freebasing. [Page Six]

COMPUTER LIFE

Microsoft to release first update of Internet Explorer in more than five years. In other news, Mozilla Firefox rulz. [AP]

DATING

Just because you can eat a jalepaeno doesn’t mean you’re “hot.” Survey shows men eat really spicy food to try to impress chicks. [ABC News]

TRENDY BIG MACS

Plasma-screen TVs, comfy sofas and wireless Internet access. No, it’s not a coffee shop: It’s the new face of McDonalds. [ABC News]

CRUISE MISHAP

Cleanup on the Ledo Deck! Eight passengers on Mississippi Queen riverboat fall ill. [AP]

BUGS

We always thought ladybugs were good luck symbols, but this is ridiculous: Woman comes home to find 40,000 ladybugs covering her walls. [Washington Post]

SCOUT’S HONOR

Welcome to the new millennium: Forget wilderness skills and helping little old ladies cross the street, today’s Boy Scouts can earn badges in learning about the evils of Internet piracy. [UPI]

CARS AND CHICKEN

News: The very last Ford Taurus will be built Friday. Mic Check Worthy Detail: The founder of Chick-fil-A is dying to buy it. [The Star]

NUTS

Heather Mills now claiming Paul McCartney used to beat up Linda. We think the lady’s gone loco. [This London]

AWARDS

HOO-WAH! American Film Institute to give Lifetime Achievement Award to Al Pacino. [E!]

OUT OF THE CLOSET

Grey’s Anatomy star T.R. Knight (aka: Dr. George O’Malley) announces, yes, he’s gay. [Canada.com]

PSA: DON’T PUT BOOZE IN YOUR NOSE

Kind of can’t believe we have to specify this, but authorities say snorting vodka up your nose is bad for your health. [BBC]

UNGODLY

Which part of Ten Commandments don’t you understand?! Minister gets busted stealing Bibles from church, hawking them on eBay. [Philadelphia Inquirer]